I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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