About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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