He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
