If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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