Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize