I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
