there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
