This dress was meant to end up on your floor
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
