Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I have demons in me.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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