She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
