DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
