he puts the penis in happiness.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
