I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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