that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
