Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
