The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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