hotel room ftw
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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