4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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