His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
