Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
