Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
