There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
