so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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