Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
