did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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