Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
