I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
