you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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