a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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