do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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