I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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