If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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