i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
