He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize