when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
