Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
