Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
