Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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