'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
