You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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