so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
one might say we're banned from that church
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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