it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
