my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize