your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
