i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
