I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
