I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
