She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize