I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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