He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
