Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
