I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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