Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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