Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(540): View more from Virginia

My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"

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(510): View more from California

I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

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(847): View more from Illinois

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.

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(330): View more from Ohio

I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL

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(620): View more from Kansas

Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"

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(516): View more from New York

Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?

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