Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
