Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
