So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
