ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
