cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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