i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
