guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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