Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
