Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Houston, we have a squirter
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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