Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
