Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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