He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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