I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize