It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
