You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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