he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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