Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
