I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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